Make race car noises when any one gets on or off
Tape coins to your face with sticky tape
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering “shut up, dammit, all of you SHUT UP”
Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a small world” incessantly.
Sell girl scout cookies (Okay it’s an American thing but you get the idea)
On a long ride, sway from side to side with the natural rhythm of the train.
Shave
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the train, wear yours upside down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your stop, grunt and strain to get the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper “The Eagles are flying high, over the Cuckoo Nest tonight”
Greet everyone on the carriage with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
One Word: FLATULENCE
On a crowded carriage, stand in the middle holding an invisible pole or hand rail for support.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning, at a person for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got no socks on!”
When the train is particularly crowded, moan from the back “ Oh, not now, damm motion sickness”
Give religious advice to each passenger
Meow occasionally
Bet the other passengers you can fit a fifty pence piece up you nose
Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “OOPS!”
Show other passengers a wound and ask if they think it’s infected.
Sing “Mary had a little lamb” whilst slowly rocking back and forth.
Shout “ Who pinched the station?” whenever the train stops in a tunnel.
Walk on with one of the ‘keep it cool’ boxes that says ‘human head’ on the side.
Stare at another passenger for awhile, the announce “You’re one of THEM”
Burp, and then say “mmmm ……. tasty”
Leave a box between the doors.
Ask each person, as soon as they get on if you could smell their feet.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it
Start a sing-a-long
When the carriage is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
Play the harmonica
Shadow box
Say “ De next stop is Piccadilly Circus, mind de doors, please!” in a variety of strange accents, at each stop.
Swing from the hand rail saying to yourself “Must Find Jungle Friends” then start to pick fleas from the nearest person.
Say “ I wonder what this does?” and prod the emergency leaver.
Listen to the carriage walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to other passengers that this is your “personal space”
Bring a chair along
Take a bite of a sandwich as ask another passenger “ Wanna see wha in muh mouf?”
Blow spit bubbles.
Pull gum out of your mouth in long strips.
Announce in a demonic voice “ I must find a more suitable host body.”
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively
Ask the person next to you for a “ROLLO”
Wear ‘X-ray specs’ and leer suggestively at other passengers
Stare at your navel and say “ I think it’s getting bigger”
Try to convince people that you smear Vaseline on the backsides of your friends when they pass out.